Tuesday, June 25, 2024
It was an epic struggle.
As dawn emerged so did my desire for coffee.
Our room was equipped with this most foul of machines – The Dreaded Keurig.
I had brought my own coffee maker, but left it in the car due to lack of space.
I decided to try mightily to conquer this device.
I could turn on a light but that might disturb the beautiful woman asleep in the bed.
How hard could it be?
I had used similar machines before. They had a water reservoir on the side. This had none.
Undaunted, I proceeded. I knew after adding water one needed to find the place to put the round container of coffee.
Ah ha, there was an opening at the back. Taking one of the vessels I put it in the opening and closed it.
Nothing.
I knew sometimes you had to pry the jaws of the beast open. This was done by a silver bent demi-ring near the front. It opened! And I could see it demanded another coffee container.
Oh no, had I inadvertently put a container in the trash bin in back?
I closed the front and opened the back. It was still there. Using a thin stick they call a coffee stirrer I managed to pry it out. It was then I noticed the ring around the edge of the opening was light blue and the top had a water drop on it. Perhaps water goes in there? In its throat?
I then found a cup. Wrapped for its protection in a clear envelop developed by little devils. You can’t rip it open. Biting, cursing (softly) grabbing and pulling in two different directions it finally yielded. Getting water from a nearby spring called a faucet I managed to obtain the precious liquid and poured it down the monster’s throat.
I closed the beast’s rear end and proceeded to open its mouth once again.
I placed the round coffee container recently rescued from the well into the waiting cavity. I closed the jaws.
Well, not exactly, I can’t remember the sequence but it seemed to me that when the jaws closed the back sprang open and when I closed the back the jaws opened up once again. I have often been asked what this was like and I can best say, “Whack-a-Mole.”
Ah me. Finally everything was shut.
Nothing.
A blinking green light. I pressed it.
Nothing.
I looked at it and softly cursed. I looked at it some more.
I heard a faint gurgling!
Soon a brown liquid emerged and ran from the nose of the beast (or mouth) into the cup I had placed amongst the silver circle below.
When it was done divulging its spumen I picked up the cup and tasted its contents.
I can honestly say that this coffee tasted just like the coffee at Starbucks. Well, I guess it should. The container said “Starbucks.” Their quality is consistent: highly acidic, caffeinated.
Oh no wait, did I select Decaf in the darkness?
Alas. No. thanks be to heaven.
Where was I? Oh yes, the taste. It can best be described as “Burnt” with essence of “never cleaned pot”, or maybe “left old rag in the machine after wiping.”
Perhaps, they were trying to imitate the coffee houses of Greenwich Village in the 60s that were famous for such coffee?
That is the taste of Starbucks coffee, and they captured all that in their little Keurig container!
Amazing.
How they became a huge brand mystifies me.
My struggle continues.
Convenience. The inventor of the said machine is ashamed and wishes he never thought of it. Can you say, micro-plastic?