Day 357 – A Magnum of Reality

Friday, December 26, 2025

The other day I wrote about Donald and company having a problem with math, and reality, when it came to economics. Today, in keeping with the reality theme, I present battleships.

Donald has announced a new class of battleship. The Trump Class! The news article I read had in its headline that Donald had a problem here with – get this! – Reality. Trump announced that this Trump Class of battleship – ( Isn’t it weird to use the name “Trump” in the same sentence as “class”? ) –  was going to be bigger and badder than any battleship ever made. I mean like 100 times bigger and badder, maybe a thousand times? Now, the article pointed out a few things. These things are called facts. Facts are something people in the Trump orbit don’t deal with. They ignore them, if they even know about them. If they are confronted with them (facts) they claim alternate facts. We know this.

So some of the “facts” the article pointed out were:

We haven’t build a battleship in seventy years,

Any battleship will be a magnet for bombs.

Some say generals fight the previous war. This is not true with Donald. He is fighting, not his father’s war, but his grandfather’s. Well, actually, no Trump has ever served in the military, any military so there is no way they can claim a war. I guess they can say they were alive during a particular war, and as suchthey can claim it as theirs. (If so wouldn’t that war be called The Trump War?) Wait. Fred was in the KKK. That’s a kind of military.

But nevermind all these facts. Let’s get to the important stuff. What are the names and types of ships in this first wave of Trump class ship?

The Donald J Trump – This will be the biggest ship in the fleet. It’s huge 24″ guns will take 100 pounds pf powder and can hurl a shell halfway around the world. Maybe farther. Actually, further. In  fact it can throw a shell so far the designers of the ship’s guns came up with a really novel solution. (naval? Could be? Ha ha. Get it?). The gun designers told the Donald that they could throw a shell almost completely around the world. But they came up with a faster and better way. Instead of, say, firing off the portside and having the shell travel all the way around the world they can turn the guns 180° and fire in that direction, thus eliminating the need to go all the way around the world.

The Ivanka  – Fast, sleek, and the best looking ship in the fleet. The dual radar domes are huge!

The Steven Miller – This is a whole new class of submarine. It was inspired by the idea of a web crawler. It isn’t really a sub.  It’s more like a sea slug. It sits on the bottom and it crawls and slithers. It can pick things up in its dual pincer arms. It really isn’t good for anything.

The Charles Kirk – A light duty fast little ship. It runs around, spits out lots of shells from its dual turreted pom-pom guns in all directions. It tends to be drawn into battles that it started with navies that hithero we had no beef.

These ships will cost a lot of money. I mean – A Lot! 

Peering into the future I see the Ivanka running aground in its training trials. The Kirk will take on a 70s PT boat that completely rips The Kirk apart. Backing out of the fight it lists heavily to the right, until it eventually rolls over, displaying it weak underbelly. There’s a shudder and as the middle gives way, either end of the boat (I mean ship. Excuse me!) rises up out of the water and the two ends can eventually see one another as it disappears beneath the waves. And what about the mighty Donald? After numerous delays and problems it finally puts to sea. For no reason known it decides to take on an Argentinian cruiser. The cruiser armed only with a mortar from the American Civll War era lobs a high flying shell. Meanwhile the Donald responds with salvo after salvo. There is a great deal of noise and smoke, but then a curious thing is observed. No shells. Just smoke and noise. Apparetnly, no one ordered shells, just powder. This was not discovered until it was in its first firefight. The high lobbing projectile having reached its zenith now comes crashing down onto the decks of the Donald. The deck immediately folds due to shoddy workmanship and poor quality materials. The shell eventually exits through the keel of the ship and then exploded, lifting the ship ever so slightly in the water, which caused everything to buckle, crack and leak. The Donald went down, guns booming.

The Steven? Nothing was ever heard from the Steven and was assumed lost in the muck.

BTW – In searching for the classic picture of the Team Trump boat that sank in a parade for him from 2020 I discovered that the event was worse than I had known. Five boats sank. All due to the fact that they all started to go in the same direction at the same time: big boats, little boats, fat boats, skinny boats. This set up waves within the fleet and some of the boats couldn’t handle the churn. This reminds me of a WWI event where a line of ships sailed one behind the other toward a position and then they were to abruptly turn about, which they did. It’s a very very precise manuever. Unfortunatley, the bow of one ship hit the stern of another and so on down the line. I think it fitting seeing as how our President wants to fight the naval battles of WWI with his super duper new class of warships. I never did find that picture.