By Bryce Holliwell
This is currently a work of fiction.
Scene: The White House,
January 18, 2021
[Ring Ring]
“Hello?”
“Hello Mike, this is Donald.”
“Yes, Mr. President?”
“As you know, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats are stirring up a lot of trouble. They want to impeach me.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
“I’m thinking of resigning.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
“That will make you President and you can pardon me. Not that I’ve done anything wrong.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
“Okay?”
“Okey Dokey.”
“I’m signing the letter of resignation now.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
“Once you are sworn in you can pardon me.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
Scene: Mir-a-Lago,
January 19, 2021
[Ring Ring]
“Hello?”
“Mike. This is Donald.”
“Who?”
“Donald. Donald Trump.”
“I seem to recall the name.”
“Listen, stop kidding around. I need that pardon, now that you are sworn in. And, by the way, that was pretty unkind of you to have us hustled out of The White House last night.”
“Mommy made me do it.”
“I see. Well, it’s over. I need that pardon.”
“Sure, you do.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll see what I can do. Right now I’m having a fitting for the Inauguration.”
“Of Biden?”
“No, of me. Gotta go. Bye.”
Scene: The White House,
January 20, 2021 9:00 am
[Ring Ring]
“Welcome to the White House.”
“Let me speak to Mike.”
“You mean the President?”
“Yes, The President. It’s urgent.”
“Whom should I say is calling?”
“It’s Donald Trump. Please I have to speak to Mike.”
“You mean the President?”
“Yes, I mean The President. It’s urgent. I need that pardon.”
“Hold on.”
[Twenty minutes later]
“Hello?”
“Hello”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Donald Trump. You’ve kept me on hold for twenty minutes …”
[Sound of music on hold]
[Thirty Minutes later]
“Hello?”
“Hello”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Donald Trump. You’ve kept me on hold for thirty minutes more! Listen I need to speak to Mike.”
“You mean the President?”
“Yes, The President. It’s urgent.”
“Whom should I say is calling?”
“What? It’s me, Donald Trump. Please I have to speak to Mike.”
“You mean the President?”
“Yes, I mean The President. It’s urgent. I need that pardon.”
“He’s busy. Can you call back tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? What? By then Joe Biden will be President.”
“Yes. Isn’t that wonderful. Such a nice man. Not like that idiot we had before.”
“That’s me!”
“I knew you sounded familiar.”
[Phone goes dead]
Scene: Mir-a-Lago,
January 20, 2021 12:00 noon
“What’s that moving van doing in the driveway?”
“I’m leaving.”
“Melania. What are you talking about?”
“You are loser. I hate losers. Good-bye. Come on Baron.”
“You can’t do this to me.”
12:01 pm
[sound of loud knocking]
“FBI! Open up. Keep your hands where we can see them.”
Perfect!
And then he woke up…or maybe not????