Tuesday January 19, 2021 ( Electoral College Certification Day -15,
Insurrection Day -15,
Georgia Senate Election -16 )
Election Day -79
Last Day until the Inauguration on January 20, 2021
The following is a fantasy pieced together from various sources.
Dateline January 21, 2021 Mir-a-Lago
“Hello? Where am I? Oh, my head.”
“You in Mir-a-Lago Florida Mr. Trump.”
“I am? Who are you? Why does my head hurt? And it’s Mr. President, by the way.”
“Not anymore, it ain’t. You Mr. Has Been now.”
“What? What day is it?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Wait? What? Thursday? That means…”
“Uh huh. That means you no longer president.”
“But I have pardons to sign.”
“You don’t have to worry about them Mr. Has Been. They are all neatly arranged.”
“Oh? I signed them? Good?”
“No, no you didn’t. What I meant is they are all neatly arranged on the President’s desk.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Well, after you passed out, the staff put them on the new President’s desk, along with the payment schedule supplied by Mr. Rudy.”
“What? They aren’t signed?”
“Uh. No. But over 100 pardons at two mill each? That’s a nice chunk of change.”
“I passed out? The last thing I remember it was Tuesday. I was just finishing my orange juice when Louis or Charlie or whatever his name is – they all look alike you know – …”
“Oh, I know. Um hum.”
“Well anyway he whispered in my ear.”
“He did, did he?”
“Yeah, he said that every day since I’ve been president he put a little some special in my orange juice and that today was extra special.”
“What did he say he put in your orange juice?”
“A luger.”
“You mean a loogie?”
“Yeah, that’s it. But today he said no loogie. It was something extra special from his native New Orleans.”
“That so?”
“Yeah, then he said ‘Sweet Dreams’ and the next thing I knew I woke up here.”
“How were your dreams?”
“They were horrible.”
“Oh? Not as bad as your reality.”
“Really? Why do you say that? Hey, why am I handcuffed to the bed?”
“Flight risk. Do you want to watch the news? It’s kind of interesting. Maybe CSPAN would be better.”
“CSPAN? Boring.”
“It’s got your impeachment trial on.”
“What? My impeachment trial?”
“Yeah. Folks are saying that they’ve never seen a strategy of no defense before.”
[Clicks on TV]
“Hey, get this handcuff off of me. Tell Melania I want to see her.”
“Melania? She’s long gone. Sorry, no can do the handcuff. The FBI agent outside the door won’t allow it.”
“FBI agent?”
“Yeah, you are under house arrest pending your trial.”
“You mean that fake impeachment?”
“Oh no. I mean the trial that follows.”
“What trial?”
“You mean which trials?”
“Which trials?”
“Oh honey, you got so many it’s hard to keep track. There’s the wire fraud, bank fraud, tax fraud, interstate banking fraud and money laundering ones.”
“Ones? You mean there’s more than one?”
“Well, some are state and some are Federal. Then there are the civil ones for rape, fraud, assault, and I don’t know what else.”
“That’s it?”
“Oh no, there’s sedition or is it treason? Hard to know…”
“Tell Louis or Charlie or whatever his name is I want some more of that orange juice.”
PS Crouching Dragon, Rising Dragon (We’re coming for you.)
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