Day 352 – I had a Dream! Well, more like random thoughts

December 21, 2025

As the self-proclaimed trade representative of Heard and MacDonald Islands I thought it time for a lack of progress report. I have heard nothing from the White House!

I have decided it is time for a new tact. I called it pandering and bribing. I have decided that what is needed is a gift for Mr. Trump. Something that expresses our thoughts on his leadership which we hope will lead to his lifting the 10% tariff he has put on our non-existent trade items. As Heard and MacDonald Islands inhabitants are seals and seagulls I thought perhaps making a display of the one export we could do, if anyone decided to come and do it is – poop, both seal and segull. What would be better than a bust of The Donald made from mostly seal poop? And seagull poop too, of course. It’s white and would be used for the high lights, like his balding pate. I’m thinking to place it on a spray of discarded seagull feathers, spray it gold, and cover it with a cloche, that to contain the aroma until the moment of presentation. Naturally, the whole thing would need to be froozen or it would disolve into – well, a pile of poop.

So, picture this. I’m in the Oval Office. On a stand is the item to be presented. I whip of the cloche and immediately Karoline Leavitt begins to gag, because the “item of value” has begun to melt and subsequently relaeased some of its essence. Steven Miller steps forward to get a better look. There is a giant fan in the office which Bobby da K flips on to try and remove the smell. Unfortunately, like most things he does it backfires. Rather than blow the smell away it is in reverse mode and sucks. This results in the top layer of poop being removed, literally sucked off and run through the fan blades and flung about the room. 

The President stands up and does nothing, but he gets hit – full frontal. Karoline gets splattered, which the porn industry picks up from a picture of said splatter shot and coins a new term “The Poop Shot.” Steven Miller is hit full force and it appears in his picture that he has been staring into the belly of the beast, which has just exploded, causing the horror film industry to create new endings to their vampire series. And Bobby Jr? He has turned and fled but not before getting “shit back” a new term coined by the rap industry as in “Hey man, I want my …” yeah.

I can dream.

Merry Christmas.

And to all a good knight.