Travel

India Field Report #3

We flew into Aurangabad yesterday afternoon after having a brief bus tour in the morning of Mumbai. Mumbai, formerly known as Bombay is the commercial capital of the country. It’s New York City. Generating one third of the revenue of the country. It is the home to many of the Bollywood studios.

Located on the west side of the country on the Arabian Sea the climate in February is dry with the temperature in the mid seventies. At least that’s the way it was in the part of Mumbai we were staying in. Our hotel, one of the oldest in the city, overlooked the Arabian Sea right at The Gateway to India. The Gateway to India was built in 1911 for the reception of George V. Bombay id the place where the British entered India and where they left the country in 1948. Our Hotel, The Hotel Taj Mahal, is the place where all the big named folks stay when they come to the city. There’s a picture of Angelina Jolie and of Mic Jagger, and many politicians. The man who led our yoga class was a personal trainer for Oprah when she was in town.

Naturally, the rates reflect the poshness. There is a young man in the hallway in the mornings who informs me he is at my service and asks if I need anything. I say no and thank him. When I come back to my room everything that I threw on the other side of the bed in an effort to find something that I knew I packed but has eluded me is now neatly organized across the foot of the bed. The stack of U.S. coins that I stacked near the television is now laid out on a serviette coin by coin. My book has a ew bookmark, replacing the top of a torn of tab of a sugar packet. My pair of shoe I left one atop the other are now neatly placed side by side with brown cloth bags marked with a sign saying “Shoe Freshener.”

The second night after I arrived I ate by the pool. They setup a barbecue stand near the water. The menu said Ponfret and I assumed Pomme Frites and assumed it was French fries with steak. I ordered red wine. I was surprised when a fish showed up. It looked like a flounder, a thick meaty flounder and probably one of the best white fish I have ever had in my life. I saw the head chef, a tall Shik with imposed headpiece, come out to check on the guys at the grill. I told him how good the fish was and he turned right around to let the men at the grill know. I exchanged “thumbs up” with them. I told the waitress I wanted to switch to white wine. She poured me more red.  

Dateline: Mumbai February 1, 2020

Made it.

I wasn’t sure when I landed if my tour company had arranged to pick me up. Once I cleared immigration and got my bag I went out to the line of people with signs waiting and there was my ride! Great graphics help. The rid to the hotel was 45 minutes to an hour. 

The hotel is a famous structure and very up to date. This is where the glitteratzi and big name politicians stay when in Mumbai. 

I went to early morning yoga and the instructor showed me pictures of many of the famous people he has instructed: Oprah, one of the heads of Google, numerous politicians from India.

There was a fellow who showed up by the pool while our yoga class was in session. He held a triangular red flag on a short pool. He rested the pole on his shoulder. I don’t know what his purpose was. I finally decided it was to warn people about the step down to the pool area. It’s the only thing that made sense to me. However, now it’s near four o’clock and the place is quite crowded and there’s no red flag man. 

Having recently seen a brief video clip with Larry David from “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” wherein he confronted a bathroom attendant telling the man that no one wanted to see him, I think India is not the place for Mr. David. At least not the high end hotels would suit him. I have to wonder what he would say to the red flag man?

Yucatan Field Report #1

December 1, 2019

We are staying at the Hacienda Chichen. The very place many archaeologists lived while carrying out their investigations of the site of Chichen Itza. In fact, a man named Edward Thompson bought the Hacienda and the ruins. He was known as the man who bought the eight wonder of the world. An old 1930s News Reel recently surfaced of Sylvanus Morley, famed Chichen archaeologist, showing the site as it appeared in the early 1930s. What I was not prepared for was the nasally tone of his voice.

I have had thoughts of Alexander Botts and Joe E. Brown mashed up with that News Reel. For those of you unfamiliar with Botts and Brown – a quick update. Alexander Botts was the protagonist in a series of short stories written at the beginning of the Twentieth Century. He was a salesman for the Earthworm Tractor Company and the stories were in the form of reports sent back to the home office. As you read the stories it becomes clear that problems arose and they were all of Botts making. Not that he ever saw it that way. He reported the facts and then arrived at an opportunity that had come about due to the aforementioned problems he had created.

The actor Joe E. Brown played Botts in the movies. Brown was known for his large facile mouth and malleable plastic facial expressions. He was the Jim Carrey of his day.

My alter ego, Bryce Holliwell, who does things I would only dream of doing, and is a Walter Middy-esque figure is giving my first field report. For those of you unfamiliar, look up The Secret Life of Walter Middy by James Thurber. It’s a short two page story published in The New Yorker in 1939. It’s a classic and my mother’s favorite.

Without further adieu, I present Bryce Holliwell reporting in Alexander Botts like style channeling the voice of Sylvanus Morley.

“Ladies and Gentlemen I am here in Chichen It-zaaa. The ancient capital of a the Maya. The most advanced civilization in the Americas until the arrival of the white man. We are staying at the Hacienda Chichen. The very place where famed archaeologist Sylvanus Morley lived while working here. The site and hacienda had been purchased by a one Edward Thomson earlier in the century, and thus became a man to own one of the wonders of the world. But I digress…

I was in my room last night preparing for bed when I spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the sink. It had a silver disc as a stopper. I could determine no way to let water out because I saw no mechanical means to move the stopper. Finally, I poked at one edge of the disc and noted that it pivoted on two pins placed opposite each other, on a line passing through the center of the disc. The disc was thus turned on end and water could flow out. I was also curious as I noticed the bathroom sink had no discernible overflow return.

This did not concern me until the morning. When I began my morning ablutions by opening the hot water tap and letting it run. While I waited for it to get hot, I commenced to prepare the floor in my bedroom for my morning floor exercises. I had just spread a towel upon the floor when I noted a pool of water near the entrance to the bathroom. This it turned out was caused by the sink overflowing its lip and thus the water spilled onto the floor. By the time I arrived at the sink and commenced to turn off the hot water tap, which was the source of the overflow, the pool of water had turned into a stream and run out of the sink onto the bathroom floor, into the bedroom, past the closet, under the refrigerator until it reached the waste basket in the far corner of the room.

I quickly surmised that the best course of action at this point in time was to turn off the hot water spigot and then to open the stopper to let the remaining water in the sink escape via the drain pipe.

The water at this point was much to hot to be able to put my hand in, However, by use of the blunt end of my toothbrush I was able to poke at the disc, open it, and thus relieve the water in the sink.

With water on the floor I decided to abandon my seated floor exercises and opted for a standing set of exercise, which I modified for the conditions. I found by placing both feet upon the towel and moving my feet too and fro I was able to not only have a good exercise, but also to mop up the water that had spilled. I moved about the room thusly and wrung out the towel into the sink as required. I can now report that at least half the bedroom floor is in a remarkable state of cleanliness. Not only that but because the water flowed under the mini-bar refrigerator a spider was flushed from its den and I was able to dispatch it to its everlasting rest with the ball of sole of my left loafer, applied with a loud flat smack upon the floor.

As an additional benefit, the tile floor had been warmed, thus making my entrance into my morning shower quite pleasant.

Bryce Holliwell reporting.

PS Before leaving home I removed the patio umbrella from the glass tabletop. It did not want to come free from the circular glass opening, but by an exertion of great upward force I was able to free it. The umbrella is safely stowed in the shed for the winter. I have suggested to my wife that we should obtain another patio table, as this one appears to have reached the end of its life, and end of summer prices would be advantageous for purchase.

B.H. reporting from Chiche It-zaaah. O-O.