Day 1220 – Give It Up for the Reverend Billie Jean Idol!
Friday May 22, 2020
163 Days until the election on November 3rd
243 Days until the Inauguration on January 20, 2021
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Today I am pleased to announce that we have a special guest commentator, the Reverend Billie Jean Idol! Please give the Rev a big round of applause! Can I hear a Hosanna! Thank-you. Thank-you very much. Rev?”
“Thank-you Bryce, I am so pleased to be here. And by the way it is The Right Reverend, because I am right before God! Praise the Lord.
“Many of you may be wondering where I got my name. Well, my momma named me. She was a big Michael Jackson fan and she like Billie Idol so it was kind of a weird mash up. I grew up on Dana Carvey as Church Lady so I have a little bit of a superiority complex as well. Praise God.
“I came here today to talk to you about a world, a world we can only imagine. But I want you to close your eyes – metaphorically. What does that mean? It means keep your eyes open and think abut this – (dumbass.)
“Think of a world, a world we can only imagine, but – like Peter Pan – close your eyes real tight (once again metaphorically – Dumb A) and imagine!
“Imagine a world where Donald Trump acted like the President. Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine but try. Maybe you have to invoke the spirit of Tinkerbell and we all need to clap our hands. Do that – (metaphorically, Geez.) Imagine by the very act of clapping our hands and invoking the spirit of Tinkerbell we could travel back in time. Back to a time of near innocence. To a time where we were still going out of our houses and not worrying about getting sick and dying. Praise God!
“I know it’s hard to remember but try. Please, give it all you’ve got. Think way back to March eighth of this year. President Trump played golf that day.
“It would be one week later that he would suggest a travel ban.
“Now think if he had issued a stay at home order on March** 8th. Think about this brothers and sisters. Thirty six thousand more people would be alive today if he had done that. If he had done that one thing as president. If he for a few moments had actually listened to what his advisors were telling him. Well, not his advisors they are all idiots; I mean the real advisors, the ones that know something. If he had said, ‘you know what? I’m going to do what you suggest and tell everyone to stay home. Then I’m going to go play golf.’
“If he had just done that. That one small act of presidential leadership 36,000 more people would be alive today. But he didn’t. Instead he played golf. That’s 2,000 dead per hole. That’s a new kind of par. Was he playing with SATAN! *
“Now imagine, and this is crazy hard, but imagine he had done that same thing, given that order not seven but fourteen days earlier, then 54,000 more would be alive today.
“Now I want you to really really stretch your minds and think, think what would have happened if – Praise the Lord – if he had acted like a President when we and South Korea each discovered our first case of Covid. That was way back in time, January 20th. Imagine if he had really acted like a leader that day. Like Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden would have done.
“Well actually that’s unfair to Joe and Hillary because we already know that Joe said he would have sent more people over to China to work with that country to contain the virus, and don’t forget, we would have had a pandemic response team in place and we would have had a person permanently over in China monitoring for any pandemic outbreaks. So in reality both Joe and Hillary would have been on top of this and acted well before the first case showed up on our shores. But I digress, imagine what would have happened had he acted then? South Korea became concerned when the number of cases jumped from 58 to 346, and this was attributed mainly to one person. They jumped on massive shutdown and testing. The result? They’ve had 11,142 cases and Praise the Lord, 10,162 have recovered and 264 have died.
“Just imagine, if for one day, our president had acted like a President.
“I know it’s hard to imagine. But try. Praise the Lord. Ah men.”
“Amen, thank-you Rev.”
“You are so welcome. And thank-you for having me.”
PS The Rev Billie Jean Idol, riding off
(Some things can not be explained.)
* On March 8th he played golf with The Washington Nationals. This was his 117th outing since being president. He has played golf for 2308 hours, or 96 twenty four hour days or 288 eight hour work days or essentially one working year of his presidency.
** Originally said May 8th, when it should have been March. The proper people have been punished. We regret the error.
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