or the front porch
Bryce Holliwell, my alter ego, was outside the New York courthouse yesterday and filed this report:
Dateline yesterday from outside the Manhattan Courthouse. (Okay, 335 miles outside the courthouse, but outside the courthouse.)
The judge is giving his instructions to the jury and then will tell them to sequester and come back with a decision, 34 decisions actually. I fully expect the jury to ask why they need to be sequestered and the judge stunned by that begins asking and being interrupted by the jurors, “He’s guilty.”
And then shout of “Lock Him Up, Lock Him Up,” to follow.
I am disappointed at DJT. He says he didn’t have sex with Stormy Daniels to which I ask, “then how does she know you have a mushroom shaped dick?”
He could easily disprove the claim by showing the jury his penis. No mushroom, no sex. That would make one of the all time great court drawings. I’d like to see the opinion experts debated what qualifies as mushroom shape. I meant are we talking Shiitake, Morel, Cremini? I go with Button. Yeah, that’s the ticket. What’s that Donnie? Portabello? Whoa. Dude. No, Button. Like Portobello but much much smaller.
But hey, don’t you believe that a week or two before the election that he decided he wanted to protect his wife from the knowledge of a ten year old sexual encounter that never happened?
And, this just in, Donnie says he doesn’t even know what the charges are. Hum. Is he deaf or was he asleep when all of them were just read out loud?
He has said the judge, (or was it the trial?), is a disgrace. I wonder what he might say if found innocent?
He has also said Mother Theresa would be convicted by this trial. Well, yeah, given the evidence. He’s right.
Okay, I gotta go.
FUCKING GUILTY ON ALL 34 COUNTS!!!! I was in the grocery store when the news hit my phone. The same time as another lady. We looked at each other and said Guilty!!! Fuck Yeah! Then we hugged each other and high fived. People may have been staring. Don’t care. It was awesome.