Yucatan Field Report #1
December 1, 2019
We are staying at the Hacienda Chichen. The very place many archaeologists lived while carrying out their investigations of the site of Chichen Itza. In fact, a man named Edward Thompson bought the Hacienda and the ruins. He was known as the man who bought the eight wonder of the world. An old 1930s News Reel recently surfaced of Sylvanus Morley, famed Chichen archaeologist, showing the site as it appeared in the early 1930s. What I was not prepared for was the nasally tone of his voice.
I have had thoughts of Alexander Botts and Joe E. Brown mashed up with that News Reel. For those of you unfamiliar with Botts and Brown – a quick update. Alexander Botts was the protagonist in a series of short stories written at the beginning of the Twentieth Century. He was a salesman for the Earthworm Tractor Company and the stories were in the form of reports sent back to the home office. As you read the stories it becomes clear that problems arose and they were all of Botts making. Not that he ever saw it that way. He reported the facts and then arrived at an opportunity that had come about due to the aforementioned problems he had created.
The actor Joe E. Brown played Botts in the movies. Brown was known for his large facile mouth and malleable plastic facial expressions. He was the Jim Carrey of his day.
My alter ego, Bryce Holliwell, who does things I would only dream of doing, and is a Walter Middy-esque figure is giving my first field report. For those of you unfamiliar, look up The Secret Life of Walter Middy by James Thurber. It’s a short two page story published in The New Yorker in 1939. It’s a classic and my mother’s favorite.
Without further adieu, I present Bryce Holliwell reporting in Alexander Botts like style channeling the voice of Sylvanus Morley.
“Ladies and Gentlemen I am here in Chichen It-zaaa. The ancient capital of a the Maya. The most advanced civilization in the Americas until the arrival of the white man. We are staying at the Hacienda Chichen. The very place where famed archaeologist Sylvanus Morley lived while working here. The site and hacienda had been purchased by a one Edward Thomson earlier in the century, and thus became a man to own one of the wonders of the world. But I digress…
I was in my room last night preparing for bed when I spent a considerable amount of time contemplating the sink. It had a silver disc as a stopper. I could determine no way to let water out because I saw no mechanical means to move the stopper. Finally, I poked at one edge of the disc and noted that it pivoted on two pins placed opposite each other, on a line passing through the center of the disc. The disc was thus turned on end and water could flow out. I was also curious as I noticed the bathroom sink had no discernible overflow return.
This did not concern me until the morning. When I began my morning ablutions by opening the hot water tap and letting it run. While I waited for it to get hot, I commenced to prepare the floor in my bedroom for my morning floor exercises. I had just spread a towel upon the floor when I noted a pool of water near the entrance to the bathroom. This it turned out was caused by the sink overflowing its lip and thus the water spilled onto the floor. By the time I arrived at the sink and commenced to turn off the hot water tap, which was the source of the overflow, the pool of water had turned into a stream and run out of the sink onto the bathroom floor, into the bedroom, past the closet, under the refrigerator until it reached the waste basket in the far corner of the room.
I quickly surmised that the best course of action at this point in time was to turn off the hot water spigot and then to open the stopper to let the remaining water in the sink escape via the drain pipe.
The water at this point was much to hot to be able to put my hand in, However, by use of the blunt end of my toothbrush I was able to poke at the disc, open it, and thus relieve the water in the sink.
With water on the floor I decided to abandon my seated floor exercises and opted for a standing set of exercise, which I modified for the conditions. I found by placing both feet upon the towel and moving my feet too and fro I was able to not only have a good exercise, but also to mop up the water that had spilled. I moved about the room thusly and wrung out the towel into the sink as required. I can now report that at least half the bedroom floor is in a remarkable state of cleanliness. Not only that but because the water flowed under the mini-bar refrigerator a spider was flushed from its den and I was able to dispatch it to its everlasting rest with the ball of sole of my left loafer, applied with a loud flat smack upon the floor.
As an additional benefit, the tile floor had been warmed, thus making my entrance into my morning shower quite pleasant.
Bryce Holliwell reporting.
PS Before leaving home I removed the patio umbrella from the glass tabletop. It did not want to come free from the circular glass opening, but by an exertion of great upward force I was able to free it. The umbrella is safely stowed in the shed for the winter. I have suggested to my wife that we should obtain another patio table, as this one appears to have reached the end of its life, and end of summer prices would be advantageous for purchase.
B.H. reporting from Chiche It-zaaah. O-O.
